Considerations Before Marriage The issues leading to a divorce very often arise long before an action is even considered. During the course of a marriage, and even before a wedding has occurred, certain circumstances may cause spouses to question their life together. Divorce is not always a viable alternative. Although there are cases where a divorce is the best possible option, many times a separation can, and should be, avoided. A divorce will seriously impact the finances, emotional well being and overall quality of life of both spouses. Additionally, offspring of the marriage will be affected. The decision to divorce should not be made lightly.
Marriage, although based on love, is a contract and more business oriented than most people realize. It is effectively an agreement between spouses to love and support each other as well as share economic benefits that may accrue. A married couple can be entitled to a share in a spouses estate, health insurance coverage under their partners policy and other economic incentives, that would not be available to their single counterparts. Prior to making the commitment to spend a lifetime with another person, it is important to consider the economic and emotional results of your decision. Lives move faster and information is more accessible than ever before. As a society, we are more effective and productive however we do not always take the time to consider the effects of our actions on our personal lives.
A romantic spark or physical attraction can be mistaken for love. Couples do not find the time to spend together prior to their wedding in order to form a strong basis for their relationship. A marriage is easier to arrange today than it ever has been. A quick trip to Las Vegas or to the local courthouse is a cheap and quick alternative to planning the traditional marriage ceremony. Unfortunately, rushing into marriage without considering the consequences can lead to serious problems. Taking the time to know the person you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with can help to reduce the chances of divorce.
Many factors should be considered prior to making the decision to get married. First, it is important to understand your own values.
What is your relationship to money?
Are you a spendthrift or a saver?
Do you feel that money is something to be used for mere enjoyment or saved and invested for the benefit of your heirs?
Do you want children? If so, do you feel their concerns are primary or secondary to your own?
Should your income be used primarily for their benefit?
Is religion, education or employment status important?
If you understand your own ideals you are in a better position to determine whether the person you are planning to marry is the right one for you. Although no two people think exactly alike, forming a relationship with someone who has similar values to your own is so much easier than struggling with a person whose ideals you do not appreciate or understand. Once a marriage has occurred, a certain amount of work is involved to maintain the relationship. Invariably, disagreements arise. Many times, during the course of an argument, couples will say things to hurt each other in the heat of anger that they do not necessarily mean. It is very easy to threaten a divorce when you are not thinking clearly. A divorce is not an easy process and should not be entered into lightly.
It will have a severe impact on your emotional well being, economic situation and overall quality of life. There are circumstances where divorce is the best option. For example, it would not be beneficial to remain in a marriage where abuse, adultery, addiction or criminal activity exist. Additionally, if one spouse is adamant about leaving, divorce may be the only alternative. However, divorce does not have to be the end result of every argument. Discussions with a spouse can lead to a more peaceful resolution. Marriage counselors are a wonderful resource.
As an objective professional, a counselor can help alleviate the strain on a marriage for the benefit of both parties. Other professionals may be useful as well. For instance, if the majority of the arguments which occur during a marriage are about money, a financial planner could be a useful tool. No marriage is perfect however many marriages can be made better. Unless a divorce is unavoidable, it is a better option to work with your spouse to resolve the problems In your marriage. Divorce is not generally something that is planned for or considered at the beginning of a marriage.
Nevertheless, many marriages end in separation. A clear understanding of your values and those of your intended prior to marriage and working through issues with your spouse when you can may alleviate the strain that often leads to divorce. Determining whether a marriage is salvageable prior to instituting an action can save a lot of unnecessary pain.
Randy is an attorney and a divorced mother of two in New York City. Having experienced divorce first hand she is eager to help others facing this difficult situation. She is a graduate of Barnard College and Fordham University School of Law. She has a background in litigation and real estate. Please visit Randy on her website blog http://www.discussingdivorce.com/
