Saving Marriage and Preventing Divorce.The National Center for Health Statistics reports that although the divorce rate in America might be estimated at 50%, the background and other characteristics of married couples can affect the actual numbers. In other words, factors such as annual income, religious affiliation, children and age at the time of marriage can have an impact on the likelihood of a divorce. Other reports indicate that the divorce rate is a bit lower or cannot be accurately determined. On a more positive note, various sites estimate that somewhere between 60 and 70% of divorced individuals remarry at some point. Obviously, many divorced individuals have not given up on marriage and are open to forming close relationships.
Regardless, the sad fact is that divorce rates are high. Many Americans are choosing to endure the pain and loss that will inevitably result from a divorce rather than work on their commitment to their partner. Despite the statistics, divorce is not the best possible option in every circumstance. Issues in a marriage can be effectively resolved if a couple is willing to work together. A divorce is a long and difficult process which should not be entered into lightly. The consequences of litigation can be painful at best. The proceeding could negatively impact the financial, emotional and social well being of both parties. Prior to rushing headlong into the process, every couple should carefully consider the reasons they feel a divorce is necessary and the options available. There are circumstances where a divorce might be unavoidable. Remaining in a marriage with a partner who is physically or emotionally abusive or an addict is problematic. More often than not cycles of abuse and addiction will continue creating strain and inevitable harm to both spouses.
Additionally, if one spouse is adamant about divorce and cannot be persuaded otherwise, chances are the marriage will end. He will find a way to implement a divorce regardless of the feelings of his spouse. On the other hand, a divorce should not be the result of an argument which occurs naturally during the course of a marriage. Disagreements are bound to occur at times and most can be resolved in an amicable way without litigation. Divorce is not always the best option and can be avoided. A marriage is a work in progress. Both spouses should be committed to making their relationship work effectively. Many couples have a difficult time moving past the fairy tale quality of their weddings or the romantic nature of their honeymoons.
After the celebration ends, real life takes over. Dealing with the day to day details of a life together is not as exciting as planning a wedding or as thrilling as a romantic getaway. However, marriage, above all else, is a commitment to a life shared with another person. Communication and compromise are key ingredients to a happy life together. Speaking openly allows a couple to recognize the issues that need to be resolved. Understanding the goals that are important to each spouse and where compromise would be beneficial is essential to the maintenance of a happy marriage. In any relationship differences of opinion are bound to occur. Often, arguments are resolved in a way where neither party is 100% happy.
The best result happens when each spouse is able to recognize the others concerns and is able to compromise thus allowing both parties to meet their needs to some extent. There are couples who choose to remain in an unhappy marriage simply to avoid the negative impact of a divorce. Remaining in a bad relationship without taking steps to improve the situation is not a viable alternative to divorce. Both spouses need to recognize the issues and problems in their relationship and work together effectively to resolve them.
If disagreements about minor matters occur on a regular basis, it may be that the spark, or initial attraction, no longer exists. Taking time alone together, such as a romantic trip, a date night or a dinner at home without friends or family, can work wonders to rekindle the flame. Couples should realize that the intense desire that was present in the initial stages of their relationship will have been replaced with a more comfortable camaraderie. Additionally, physical appearances change with age and needs and opinions develop over time. Recognizing the changes in your partner and allowing your relationship to develop as a result is beneficial. On the other hand, many couples find it difficult to resolve major issues in their life together.
Differences of opinion about money, children, lifestyle and religion can be devastating to a marriage if not properly resolved. Again, both spouses need to be willing to work together for the benefit of their marriage in order for any resolution to work effectively. Communication with each other as well as outside parties is an effective tool in such circumstances. Marriage counselors are often useful in helping a couple resolve issues and remain married. A professional is an objective observer who can listen effectively to both sides in a nonjudgmental manner. A counselor can help each spouse understand the concerns of their mate in order to effectuate a compromise that is beneficial to both. Other professionals can also work to help a couple in crisis.
If regular arguments about money are commonplace, discussions with an accountant or money manager can alleviate some of the stress the couple is feeling. Religious advisors, such as priests or rabbis, are also wonderful resources. The key to a good marriage is the willingness to communicate and work together. Do not be afraid to open up. There are bumps in the road of every marriage but the problems do not necessarily have to cause a divorce. Working on a relationship and making it better is difficult but a divorce is not always a viable alternative. If issues can be resolved effectively and both spouses are willing to work together, a marriage can be saved and a divorce can be avoided.Randy is an attorney and a divorced mother of two in New York City.
Having experienced divorce first hand she is eager to help others facing this difficult situation. She is a graduate of Barnard College and Fordham University School of Law. She has a background in litigation and real estate. Please visit Randy on her website blog www.discussingdivorce.com . Randy can be reached via email at mailto:rperskin@discussingdivorce.com rperskin@discussingdivorce.com . Randy will soon be doing TV and Radio shows for www.youtube.com/goodnewsbroadcast
